If I squint, I can see things clearly, but that seems dangerous for the road ahead. I treasure depth over breadth, but my depth perception is currently off. So I stumble forward with what I hope is awkward, perfect grace. And I try to be kind, because that’s a choice I still have, when others seem to be dwindling or have been taken away. It’s not that I wanted to say yes, I just wanted to have the option.
Now everyone relies on me giving them time, when that is the one thing I’m not willing to part with. I don’t have enough of it and I can’t make any more. The roots are all growing back – in the garden and on my head – and it’s not a pretty sight.
Projects inside piling up when the only ones I’m interested in are on the other side of this door. Even the cat is sick of me.
At the worst of times the stories in my head have gone quiet and so the pages of all the notebooks I found in old boxes will stay empty for a while longer.
I surprised myself when asked if I would return to a time, a place or a person I still named you – after all these years. Why do I still believe you hold some kind of key? That my choices would have been different if I could return to my cheek on your dove blue shirt?
Once, in a dream, I breathed a sigh of relief, felt my shoulders relax and the ground give way underneath. I was both falling and free and knew that’s how it’s meant to be.
It’s not often you find yourself suffering from too much of a good thing – or a thing people tell you is good, only you’ve never liked it much – like bacon.
I’m having too many cups of tea while knowing I’m not everyone’s – nor do I want to be. Just don’t be a coffee snob.
“To fall asleep I need white noise to distract me
Otherwise I have to listen to me think
Otherwise I pace around, hold my breath, let it out
Sit on the couch and think about
How living’s just a promise that I made”
[Part 15 of Volume 2 of my “Thinking in Acronyms” series”]