NONE (Never One Never Ending)

I longed for warmer weather, but now that it is here I miss the comforts of winter. Hot tea, cozy sweaters and less spiders invading my personal space.

Like the flowers in my garden I try to open up to every new day and be welcoming to those coming my way, be they bees or wanna-be’s. But when the night draws nearer, like the flowers too, I retreat – I don’t want to share my bed.

I have two pillows for another reason and there are corners of myself I know I will never share. That is not your fault – it is my choice. Because then at least there will be something that can never be tainted, forever mine, forever true. Where the stories live and all those lovers I never had except in dreams.

I always cook enough for two, but if I gave you a plate all I’d be thinking is how you’re eating next day’s lunch.

I like remembering people. How they were, or who I thought they were, in that one moment, on that one day, during that short time we shared. I like staying in the “before” so I don’t have to live with the “after”.

I know you want a chance at the in-between, but it is heavily guarded by those ghosts of people I’ve made up.

There’s one more glass of wine and while I drink and once again the night settles in I wonder: how to make that one ghost real, the one that’s been there all along, never left my side and knows my story. Now that would be a feat.

 

“I think I was born with a broken heart, lonesome deep in my bones.”

 

[Part 6 of Volume 2 of my “Thinking in Acronyms” series”]

Himself

On your knees now you say you are not the same man. You have travelled eastward and inward and found yourself. It’s not that you were ever lost, or that your core was silver when your life was golden. You were never that far off in the first place, but at least you know that now.

On your knees now you are willing to be accepted rather than be judged. You have acknowledged your flaws and you no longer apologise. The only person you can disappoint is yourself and your own expectations are unchanged.

On your knees now you are not asking for rules, you are offering control. You have finally understood you have the power and it is yours to give and not something to be taken away. You will only be led to where you want to go and you’ll wear a smile on your face on the way.

On your knees now you are taller than you have ever been before. You have revealed yourself without fear in your eyes and without expectation in your heart. This moment now transcends you and dissolves into intent and promise. No matter the outcome, you will rise the same.

Forever changed.